We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I came so hard my ears popped.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
