This is not my ceiling
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i will never coherently bang her
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't deserve a penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
