ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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