I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
