Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
