Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
