i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
