i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
