Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
