I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
