Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
