Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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