I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
