Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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