covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Please, let me fuck your mom
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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