I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
