Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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