She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
