It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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