u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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