I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize