Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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