Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
