If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
