so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
