I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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