I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
