why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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