Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
