we have officially lost it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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