bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.