There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?