Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
