Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.

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(336): If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule. http://tfl.nu/wdvp

Replies (27) Good night (3594) Bad night (606)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.

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(301): Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel. http://tfl.nu/b636

Replies (4) Good night (605) Bad night (4039)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

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(616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sgel

Replies (132) Good night (1342) Bad night (30282)
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(713): View more from Texas

then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate

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(713): then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate http://tfl.nu/58hb

Replies (32) Good night (6162) Bad night (1103)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.

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(804): Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009. http://tfl.nu/yk6t

Replies (49) Good night (5699) Bad night (1362)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

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(828): You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/y0oy

Replies (27) Good night (5998) Bad night (837)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

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(832): Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me. http://tfl.nu/x609

Replies (5) Good night (2572) Bad night (833)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.

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(919): I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping. http://tfl.nu/iyfp

Replies (10) Good night (2071) Bad night (1182)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?

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(231): Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often? http://tfl.nu/yhxm

Replies (4) Good night (1772) Bad night (628)
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(561): View more from Florida

I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.

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(561): I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree. http://tfl.nu/yxk6

Replies (11) Good night (1543) Bad night (561)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

breakfast of champions

(423): View more from Tennessee

breakfast of stoners

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(423): animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful (1-423): breakfast of champions (423): breakfast of stoners http://tfl.nu/cslr

Replies (6) Good night (1343) Bad night (616)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.

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(202): It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks. (202): I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to. http://tfl.nu/wpl5

Replies (10) Good night (1513) Bad night (663)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.

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(616): Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me. http://tfl.nu/rp8b

Replies (5) Good night (880) Bad night (334)
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(561): View more from Florida

You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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(561): You know I love you. I just don't love your penis. http://tfl.nu/4w11

Replies (6) Good night (416) Bad night (1185)
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(214): View more from Texas

We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.

(469): View more from Texas

Tequila happens.

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(214): We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night. (469): Tequila happens. http://tfl.nu/nyc9

Replies (2) Good night (609) Bad night (310)

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