Texts From Last Night

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

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  (479): hey, can i borrow that thing you never use? (1-479): what? (479): your penis http://tfl.nu/2nga
  Replies (11) Good night (1489) Bad night (3820)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.

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  (651): whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/g1hs
  Replies (5) Good night (5533) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.

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  (952): Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage. http://tfl.nu/guje
  Replies (15) Good night (954) Bad night (4175)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?

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  (720): i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/0v59
  Replies (21) Good night (7805) Bad night (721)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

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  (443): Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable. http://tfl.nu/quma
  Replies (7) Good night (5936) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.

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  (608): They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes. http://tfl.nu/mn0w
  Replies (9) Good night (3570) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

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  (408): How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...? http://tfl.nu/cucy
  Replies (15) Good night (6658) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.

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  (973): I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication. http://tfl.nu/0f45
  Replies (6) Good night (2178) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?

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  (519): All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/p3wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1299) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"

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  (+61): Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart" http://tfl.nu/icuk
  Replies (3) Good night (1653) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago

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  (908): i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago http://tfl.nu/q8gp
  Replies (4) Good night (361) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake

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  (585): if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake http://tfl.nu/burq
  Replies (2) Good night (469) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I think my nap took me to another dimension

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  (425): I think my nap took me to another dimension http://tfl.nu/36h1
  Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (206)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention

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  (903): And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention http://tfl.nu/er1v
  Replies (1) Good night (767) Bad night (204)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  So you're drunk waiting for the bus.

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  (770): Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life. (706): So you're drunk waiting for the bus. http://tfl.nu/6hov
  Replies (0) Good night (137) Bad night (50)

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