another moral hangover. fuck.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
