ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
