buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
