thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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