Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
