My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
