I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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