Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Vodka?
Forever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize