I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
