I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
