I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
