her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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