my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
