the condom got lost in my hair
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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