I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
