btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
