i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
