he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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