My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
