i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
