If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
