I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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