forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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