My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
