he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
