I am puke
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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