In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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