my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He has the fingertips of a God
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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