im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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