So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
