He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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