I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
