woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
