I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize