you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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