what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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