I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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