The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
