I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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