Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
