the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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