Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
