dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize