Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
