I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Holy sore nipples Batman
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
